Missing Out
Posted by Dr. Matthew Calkins, Psy.D.
Friday, March 5 2010

In a letter written to his brothers penned in 1817, the English romantic poet John Keats coined the term ‘negative capability.’

“when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.”

The capability Keats described stands in contrast to our seemingly ingrained need to know, understand, explain or reason through various aspects of life. Granted, Keats speaking of poets and writers and their ability to appreciate beauty as a thing in itself, so how does this pertain?

Many philosophers and psychologists, Wilfred Bion in particular, have taken to Keats’ ‘negative capability’ as a way of understanding psychological struggles. The word ‘irritable’ forms a clue, implying that attempting to use reason when one is uncertain or in doubt represents a reaction to discomfort – one feels lost and confused, and seeks a way out. It would seem then that coming to quick conclusions is a way of controlling fears and anxiety – the conclusions themselves are less meaningful than the act.

Keats, Bion and many others would say that, in doing so, we miss out on something essential. Uncertainty is a moment of possibility and potential. This potential resides in reflection, imagination, creativity and perhaps a new experience – none of which can really occur when reason closes the door.

Relationships are intimately tied to this potential. When lost in the ‘irritable’ preoccupation tied to reasoning, a person becomes closed to others. This is especially the case when one is depressed or anxious, when their internal logic and reason is colored by hopelessness, dread and feelings of inadequacy. Isolation often sets in, the internal logic becomes more rigid, and change seems distant and unattainable.

The truly anxious person often complains of unceasing, intrusive thoughts – thoughts that invade one’s mind, keep them up late at night, preoccupy them throughout the day. Being closed to new experiences – manifested in intellectual activity – is not always conscious, despite the fact that we often consider thought as something conscious and within our control. Truly, many of these thoughts are driven by fear – an emotional experience that goes back to our evolutionary beginnings in the base of our brain; the fight or flight response.

So, we are fleeing/fighting uncertainty. And in doing so, we are missing out greatly on intimate connections, spiritual experiences, or simple appreciations of beauty – the stuff that fills us with a sense of life, hope and continuity.

Stigma Continues
Posted by Dr. Matthew Calkins, Psy.D.
Tuesday, June 16 2009

A recent APA Monitor article speaks to the impact - and perhaps, the failure - of recent anti-stigma campaigns. As many as 68% of people surveyed stated that they would not accept somebody with mental illness marrying into their family.

Many of you may have probably observed the movement to categorize struggles with mental and emotional health as "diseases-like-any-other." Depression is parallel to diabetes, for instance. Both have are tied to physiological processes, both require regular treatment, and one can't snap out of either.

While this may help some, it requires a leap in thinking that some may not be ready to take - that the brain and the body are unified, rather than separate and distinct. I believe that it is important to acknowledge that a disease of the body and a disease of the mind, or the brain, can mean very different things to different people.

Often, the brain is seen as the locus of control, the center of a person, and so on. Stating that one has a disease of the brain might increase one's sense of shame, fear or panic - it is equivalent to stating that one has conmpletely lost control. It also may lead one to rush to over pathologize themselves - "I am sick!" This raises stigma, which in turn can increase the internal stress and tension that contribute to the various problematic symptoms.

As a practicing psychologist, I have a strong distaste for the use of the word 'disease.' The word simplifies - and negatively defines - what is quite complex. More often than not, the word in itself contributes to distortions that can obstruct the process of self-discovery.

I suppose that we are struggling to define and work with 'mental illness' in society. Efforts have include the disease-like-any-opther approach, combating negative stereotypes, and speaking to the strengths and capacities of those with mental illness.

But I wonder again if we need to address the use of the pathologizing terms "illness" and "disease." People struggling - adapting - can become too easily defined, categorized, and perhaps marginalized.

If change weren't hard, it wouldn't mean much
Posted by Dr. Matthew Calkins, Psy.D.
Wednesday, June 3 2009

It’s official. The year is nearly halfway over. Take a moment to look back at your news year's resolutions. What is your relationship to them today? Have you been able to change?

Resolutions would seem to fail for a few reasons. First, that the person underestimates the difficulty of the change. And second, that the person is trying to change while alone.

Immediacy and delay. Rapid solutions and lasting awareness. Yes, life moves quickly – people, particularly those born in the internet era – expect quick solutions. Still, our human systems – cognitive, emotional, spiritual, physical – require periods of rest following arousal. Too often, we don't allow for rest.

How do we build muscle? The activity of lifting weights causes stress to point of tearing muscle fibers. Essentially, its an act of breaking something down. During periods of rest – assuming the tears are not too great – the muscle fibers grow and develop stronger connections.

The results are far from immediate. In fact, it can take weeks of weight training before any physical differences are apparent. Meanwhile, the body aches. The excitement around the resolution shifts to a moment of doubt. Many give up at this point.

I am speaking to the cycle of growth and change that involves breakdown and repair, loss and gain. One has to tolerate a bit of ache and loss, and a bit of uncertainty and doubt, in order to allow the process of growth to set its course and move forward.

Change takes a kind of leap of faith…”I’ll see results, I believe I will, I just have to be patient.” It’s no easy thing, and most people – those who are not inclined to a kind of rare self-discipline – require support and guidance to ’keep on going.’

For each resolution to change, identify a relationship to a person or a community. Ask yourself: Who will support you when you doubt yourself? Who can remind you of the purposes of this change you've sought?

Experiencing experience
Posted by Dr. Matthew Calkins, Psy.D.
Thursday, May 28 2009

On an intellectual level, very few people would deny the value of reflection. Most people aspire to some kind of mindfulness - exercise, a spiritual practice, journaling, psychotherapy.

However, sitting with oneself, and one's experiences becomes difficult in our fast paced world.

Common refrains:

"I'm too tired."
"I have too much work to do."
"Just let me finish this last email first."
"I'll take time for myself tomorrow."
"Just let me check my facebook page."

So how is it that, when provided with time to rest and reflect, many people fill their spaces with seemingly obsessive activities, the sorts of things that simply reinforce themselves, and provide little sustenance?

It would seem that our behaviors are endlessly directed towards completing and mastering tasks, being productive, or on attaining some sort of virtual mirroring or validation. This leaves little room for a sense of interior, a sense of self, or genuine connection with others. Such things are pretty much critical to flourishing and thriving.

So what to do? Be intentional, and structure a space. Take 10 minutes daily and engage in a meditative exercise - go on a walk, and think of nothing but what you immediately sense. Think of this act as no small thing. You are creating space for yourself to inhabit as a living, sensing being.

The Power of Groups
Posted by Dr. Matthew Calkins, Psy.D.
Saturday, December 6 2008

“What struck us again and again - from the early 20th century to the present was that the group - and not the group therapist - is the agent of personal change. Though it was in front of our eyes from the start, it took some 70 years to appreciate and begin to utilize therapeutically the awesome metamorphosing might of the group. We can now accept the group, as a whole, as a force for growth which no therapist can equal” - Louis Ormont, 2001

All individuals are members of a group. Consider the family, the workplace; consider all the communities to which one holds some affiliation Whether by choice or not, we are all members of some larger social body.

As we enter a community, we are inevitably influenced by it culture, its rules and boundaries, its leadership, and so on. Groups are terrifically powerful. They shape us. No doubt, a collection of people have more influence than an individual.

Even further, groups are complex. The group can help a person grow and thrive while at the same time, limiting growth. At one moment, a group can contribute to a sense of belonging and support, and at another, can threaten one with a loss of freedom. The group holds the promise of connection, but often reminds one of their isolation.

Conclusion. We can't avoid groups, and we often don't quite know how to make them work for us.

This is where group psychotherapy begins to make sense as a treatment option. While numerous problems can best be addressed in individual therapy, its important to consider treating relational issues, or issues stemming from groups (one's family, for instance) in a group context.

To learn more about groups, consider visiting the American Group Psychotherapy's website at American Group Psychotherapy Association.